Chinese vs. Americans (Pt.1)

So who’s better?  Chinese or Americans?  Who is smarter?  Stronger?  Sexier?  More productive and agile?  Which country is better, smarter, prettier, stronger etc.?

What do you think?  Are you able to put away your prejudices, biased thinking and generalisations and make a considered response to the questions above?

The provocative blog title is designed to A) provide clickbait for this blog and B) to get you thinking about the (rather obvious) differences and surprising similarities between the countries of the People’s Republic of China and the United States of America. The blog’s timing is fortuitous considering that both countries are locked in the middle of a trade war. Perhaps the leaders will take note!

 

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Courtesy Getty Images

 

This debate is broken into two parts due to the number of categories. These include friendliness, manners, patriotism, driving behaviour, customer service, and geographical knowledge / interest in other cultures. Each country will “compete” for each section and the winner allocated a point. The country with the most points wins.

Part One covers friendliness, manners, and patriotism.

Caveat

It is suggested that one best read this blog with an open mind. Yes, I’ve lived in China for over 19 years and visited the U.S. on many occasions but both countries are enormous. One cannot compare a Cantonese lawyer with a Beijing bicycle repairman. Nor can one assume that a Manhattan fashion designer shares a lot in common with a lumberjack from Bend, Oregon.

That said, I am in daily contact with people from all corners of China. There are noticeable differences in their dialects, diet, customs, and beliefs. Lifeinlifts.com is going to try and put aside all these potential discrepancies and throw caution to the wind. New Zealanders are rather neutral when debating the merits of Americans and the Chinese. We don’t tend to take sides. At least not with these two giants.

So… let’s compare apples with oranges and conduct the most unscientific research of the year!

Category One: Friendliness

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This category includes smiles, greetings, and small talk. Both countries are pretty friendly once you get outside of the big smoke. Even some of the larger cities here in China will have people who come up to you and say:

“Hello, good morning, sorry, please, thank you”

All in the one sentence! Would you get this sort of approach in Jersey City? I think not. The majority of people here (southern China) seem to keep their heads down and frown earnestly.

Americans seem to be very friendly in some of the smaller places, and in bigger places like Portland (Oregon), and Boston. Other places (looking at you Seattle and Philadelphia) were not quite so warm. It is beyond the scope (or word limit) of this blog to go into any sort of depth about this category. Shall we flip a coin? No, I’ll go with personal experiences.

Winner: China

Category Two: Manners

This includes common courtesies like please and thank you. We factor in other mannerly elements such as queuing in lines, holding the door open for others, spitting and littering in public, laughing and mocking people behind their backs (but in full view of others), talking loudly in elevators, etc.

There are some very polite people here that would put my countrymen to shame but…  the amount of crude behaviour witnessed here on a daily basis is extraordinary. It appears that some people haven’t been told that it is not okay to hurl litter out the car window or defecate in public places. Please note that the data is not influenced by the author’s own cultural bias. If someone is p*ssing on the street at lunchtime then they’re p*ssing on the street at lunchtime!

Other examples of loutish conduct include smoking in enclosed spaces and cursing loudly in front of grandmothers and babies. I hasten to add that most people don’t behave like that in the parts I live. It’s just that I see it every single day. Every. Single. Day.

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Image from China Daily

This uncouth, boorish decorum doesn’t appear to be as common in the United States. Maybe I need to live in a dangerous, lower socio-economic area (Detroit? St. Louis? Baltimore?) for 19 years to provide balance to the findings. However, people still queued politely for Wendy’s in a lower socio-economic part of Philadephia that I visited.

There were pleases and thank yous in the States but too many saying “What?” for my liking. I’d prefer “Pardon?” That’s just me. Every culture is different sure, but I felt the United States might have the edge over China in this category.

Winner: The United States 

Category Three: Patriotism

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Gearing up towards National Day (October 1st)

How much do you love your country?  What do you like about it?  What did the history books say about the founders of your country? How many national flags do you see as you go about your everyday life?

It’s okay to be patriotic, it really is. No, seriously.

I decided to perform a national flag count in two random places. The USA was represented by a largely rural area in Washington State – the drive from Port Angeles to the Hama Hama Oyster Saloon (120kms or 75 miles).

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The Chinese sample was taken during a drive from my apartment building to the Guangzhou South Railway Station (23kms or 14 miles). The distances aren’t exactly similar but we won’t let that skew the findings. There was nobody living in that part of Washington State and those 23 kilometres in the Chinese sample represented one of the most densely populated areas in the world.

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Data results (flags counted):

USA – 32

China – 27

Winner: The United States (a bit lucky too as National Day is upon us in China. I noticed, post-blog, that there were two national flags on every street light – that’s over 100 flags per street! China should really win this but the flags are only here on a temporary basis).

So, at the end of Part One, The United States leads China 2 to 1. Can China come back in Part Two and claim the mantle of Best People, Best Country?

Thank you for reading. Stay tuned for Part Two!

Walking to School in China – What’s it Like?

School is out in China. The summer holidays have begun. This means no more homework, parent-teacher meetings, or tantrums. No more early morning starts, no more crowded lift (elevator) rides to the first floor. No more Mrs. Pigeonface.

We’ll be somewhere in the Pacific Northwest, maybe a cafe in Portland or the Boeing Museum in Seattle, and my eyes will tear up at the thought of all that we’re missing… until September 1 that is. Six weeks without these colourful walks to school. Sniff.

The daily walk to school is an exercise in people-watching. The armchair sociologist’s wet dream. Here are some of the things I’ll miss.

Belt Man

This fellow sells belts outside the school every second Friday. Dressed in camo pants and military haircut he hectors us about the foolishness of missing out on a deal. “Come buy your belts now or you’ll miss out!”  He’s back again with the same product line a fortnight later.  Even my nine year old daughter can see through his sophisticated marketing strategy.

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Boy have I got a deal for you!

BFP

The Bitchfaced Princess (BFP) takes her son to school at the same every day. She is 30-something and in very good shape. Pity about the permanent scowl she wears. The wind must have changed during a particularly bad moment in time. She sees me coming and looks the other way!

The Effeminate Man

This guy rocks. Not many males here would have the bravery to wear a rainbow coloured polo shirt with earring and necklace in China?  His look is ever-changing but his designer (grey) hair remains timeless.

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Resplendent in fluorescent yellow

Grandpa

This old codger takes his rebellious grandson to school every day. He once called me a foreign devil!  Don’t worry about me mate, fix your grandson’s ill-fitting uniform first.

GG Bond

GG Bond is a Chinese cartoon superhero. Piggish in nature, he has a loyal following of about 200 million kids. GG Bond is a nickname for a piggish-looking motorscooting parent who glares at me most mornings. Never a smile, never a hello – just an unfriendly glare with a pair of GG Bondish eyes!

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Vat n kak in die veld

I never thought this Afrikaans slang/saying would make its way to the blog. It translates into “take a sh*t in the fields”. This little boy didn’t quite get as far as the fields. He was spotted fertilising our gardens one morning on my way home from school.

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Good on you son!

There was a public toilet right behind him.

Sexy Machinery

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Thomas the Tank Engine’s poorer cousin

It smells as good as it looks.

Pedestrian Friendly Walkways

If there’s a road – we’ll dig it up. We’ll also block commuters from getting to work.

 

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They’re using Japanese machinery!

 

Bank Robberies

This caused quite an alarm

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There was a lot of shouting

Until we realised it was just a drill. Pity there weren’t signs posted outside informing the small crowd of horrified passersby.

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Bruce Lee found his way back into the money

Farewell My Little Walk

As we take in the sights of the Vancouver waterfront and natural beauty of British Columbia, I’ll pause for a second and think of…

 

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The rice seller

 

And…

 

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The chicken lady

 

And realise that while those North American places are stunningly beautiful, they’ll never match the Liwan District of Guangzhou for re nao (liveliness) and luan (chaos).

There’s never a dull moment. Enjoy your summer holiday (unless you live in the southern hemisphere and are enduring a bleak and nasty winter).

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

 

Bunny Trouble – The Case of Rachel Rabbit

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Behind bars: Rachel Rabbit awaits the jury’s verdict.

Pets in apartment buildings. It might work. It might not. Plenty of Chinese keep pets in small spaces and seem to do a good job of it too. I’ve seen some pretty healthy looking dogs in the elevators here – shiny coats and big white teeth etc. You can always keep a turtle, goldfish or a parrot or two. A friend of mine keeps a cat which might just be the most spoilt animal in the city.

How about a rabbit?

What could go wrong?  They’re not large or dangerous. They’re cute and very affectionate. Intelligent too. They’re clean and do their business in the cage. They don’t rip up sofas or table legs with sharp claws and don’t need to be walked twice a day.

So in November 2017, we bought a rabbit.

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Seems harmless enough

It was very cute and was small enough to fit in the palm of one’s hand. Miss K called her Rachel. It seemed like a good name – Rachel Rabbit. Similar to the rabbits (Rebecca and Richard) on the Peppa Pig cartoon series.

 

It all went so well. Quality time was spent with Rachel as she became one of the family. We invested heavily in her future, buying the finest food and cage,  allowing her inside the apartment during cold winter nights. Another rabbit named Tutu was not so lucky. It froze to death on an apartment balcony.

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Rachel attended birthday parties

Hare-Raising

Things began to change.

Rachel began to eat pot plants and flowers. She learned to open her cage door by rubbing her black nose against the wire. A string was tied to keep the door shut. She ate through the string. Her tastes moved from plants to furniture upholstery, to foam workout mats to cardboard boxes.

 

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Don’t you dare!

 

She climbed atop four large, stacked, wobbly boxes, and escaped injury by box-surfing her way down when they toppled over. She started making herself at home on our beds. This disgusted and terrified my wife who was looking for any excuse to “get rid of that bloody rabbit.”

One of my students asked: “Does your rabbit like to eat apples?”

“Yes,” I replied “Apple iPhone recharging cords!”

Bunnymoon Over

A “Lock Hare Up!” campaign was launched by my in-laws. They told both my daughters that Rachel was going to the butchers as soon as we departed China for our Scandinavian holiday. I lobbied on Rachel’s behalf on the grounds that:

  1. She was cute
  2. She was tender and didn’t bite the kids
  3. She could stay in our bathroom during the hot summer months and behave herself well
  4. We’d just buy a replacement rabbit as soon as we returned from abroad if Rachel was “disappeared”

We won our case and Rachel received a stay of execution. Life went on as usual. She hopped around our apartment and considered herself chastened.

 

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The “big baby” was popular with kids

 

It’s Been Nice Gnawing You

A rabbit’s memory is not what it used to be. Pretty soon Rachel was back to her old tricks. A television cord was destroyed during a trip to Hong Kong (the inlaws looked after our place during our absence) and Rachel began pooing in the bathroom (wait, you’re supposed to do your business there, right? Yes but you’re not supposed to dance in it afterward). She burrowed her way into the clothes wardrobe and got stuck in the land of jeans and slacks. Luckily we found her before she expired.

In the past two months, she has left behind a trail of destruction which includes:

a 7-11 umbrella

two lesson plan books

a BMW-branded backpack

shoelaces

a pair of Asics running shoes

one pillowcase

three plants

the leather from a dining chair

several plastic shopping bags

three cardboard boxes

the cover of Mao: A Life (Philip Short)

and the rubber lining from the shower door

Yes, she’d even began wrecking the one place she was allowed to stay without causing trouble. And the moulting. Did we mention the moulting?

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We Carrot Decide

So we need you, the reader, to help make up our minds. Should the rabbit stay or should it be sent to the market in time for a nice, wintery, rabbit stew?

On the one paw, she’s incredibly annoying. Her destructive ambitions know no limits. On the other paw, she’s part of the family, cuddly, and very patient with the girls. She will sit in your lap for hours content in your company as you watch TV, chat with friends, or prepare lessons.

So it’s down the rabbit hole we go. Should she stay or should she go?  Dear reader – her future is now in your hands. Leave a comment below (please!).

 

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Butter would not melt in her mouth

 

 

 

 

 

 

​Selling Canton by the Jin

Hello dear reader!  Have you had a good summer holiday?  Maybe it’s winter where you are. New Zealand readers have been rocked by rain and worn down by wind gusts.

The Life in Lifts team has been away from Southern China for much of the past two months visiting cool places like Scandinavia and New Zealand. This blog back was intended to be about the behaviours of Chinese tourists abroad – thing is, we saw so few of them that there was little to write about. The ones we did see behaved far better than tourists from other countries.

A Chat with the Oldies

This “oldies” term is a little unfair. They may be senior citizens but they’re active, vivacious, and intelligent. It was a real pleasure to give a talk to the Tasman Bay (ex-Probus) Club in Nelson, New Zealand. About 70 to 80 people squashed into a small hall on a horribly wet day. It was their monthly meeting and I was the main speaker. China is an incredibly broad subject so I stuck to the area I live – Guangzhou.

We chatted about the bizarre results of Chinglish (on signposts and t-shirts); school life and the lives of senior citizens; food; street life; how Chinese regard Westerners; and a bit about the Mandarin language. A number of good questions were asked and I did try to answer as best I could.

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My eight-year-old, Miss K, demonstrated the differences between Mandarin and Cantonese (which Lonely Planet once suggested were as great as those between Spanish and French) and we gave a brief lesson on the very basics of Mandarin. They were a great audience and laughed at most jokes. I think it hit home to them just how different life is here. They live in a city of about 30,000 people. Guangzhou has a population of at least 14 million (though I think this figure maybe somewhat understated). Worlds apart in size.

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Pointing out the sheer size of Guangzhou

I wish more of my regular students here in China would behave like the Tasman Club members!

We’ll be back with another blog some time next week. Cheerio.

 

 

Chalkface: The Ungrateful Departed

A different class of students

I have a bunch of good classes filled with great students and super attitudes. Their homework is nearly always completed and many make a real effort to attend class despite having conflicting arrangements. One girl, Lucy, even turned down a weekend holiday in a 5-star resort to attend my English class. I couldn’t believe it. Others race from family dinners or dance recitals, make up still on their faces. Their level of commitment can never be questioned.

Then there’s the Sunday afternoon class. I’ve kept a wee diary of what happens whenever you put a bunch of lazy kids together. I hope you enjoy reading this more than I did teaching them!

Sunday 4:45

Harriet – The best of this motley crew, she is actually a good student who puts in the work. Homework is usually done well and she takes things very seriously. I feel a bit sorry for her being stuck with the other three kids.

Jeremy – A skinny 10-year-old boy that tries desperately to be funny but doesn’t always succeed. Jeremy has quite a few talents (math, piano, sport) but doesn’t always use his brain as evidenced by his struggles in learning Bingo rules.

Celia – Skinny younger sister of Jeremy. Seems to be smarter than her brother but also hellbent on jeopardising her own future. Her great-aunt warned me – “Don’t trust this one, she’s trouble!”  I didn’t quite follow her meaning, until well into this semester.

Jordie – A supposed math genius that hasn’t learned to tell the time yet. He’s always late. A chubby nine-year-old with a mild but rather unsophisticated personality.

The Plot

Week 1 – The class forms three weeks after all other lessons are already in flow. It was surprising there was a timeslot available for them to use. The contact parent hadn’t checked her messages (sent in February) to arrange a class. English levels are rusty (e.g. “My beast friend is Tommy” and “My sausages (science) teacher is Mr. Wang.”  Celia gets my name wrong (I only taught her 10 times last term).

Week 2 – Can someone let me into your apartment?  No-one bothers to let the teacher into the class. A ten-minute fiasco ensues as I thrice ring Block Five’s downstairs doorbell. I’m left waiting while the kids wait upstairs. Nobody has thought to go downstairs and let me in, not even Daddy Pig (a nickname I’ve given Jeremy and Celia’s father).

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A new member (Harriet) joins the class. Things should improve as she is a top student. Games are played and Harriet wins every one, Jeremy is furious and violently beats the armrest of an expensive armchair.

Week 3 – “Our parents have just invested in a new Chinese restaurant at the local mall” the Yang kids tell me. Goody I think, perhaps I’ll get a free meal (yeah right, they’ve never even offered so much as a glass of water).

Week 4 – Harriet’s mother attends the lesson and gets to witness all manner of bad behaviour from the Yang siblings. Celia flips the middle finger at her brother while my back is turned. Accusations fly and the two of them burst into tears. This really is a bad cartoon. Harriet’s politely mother describes the siblings and Yang family in general as chaotic.

Week 5 – We’ve switched venues! We’re at Harriet’s apartment in Block Seven. There is a test today. Celia has gone missing in action. Jordie has joined the class as an additional member and scores 6/10. Not too bad for someone who hadn’t prepared. Harriet’s little brother, Kevin (aged five) offers everyone snacks and refreshments, several times over.

Week 6 – Still no Celia. I don’t think she wants to come to class! Jeremy has a temper tantrum in class. Jordie hasn’t done his homework – about three minutes worth of fill-in-the-blank exercises and a quick read of his textbook. Apparently, this is too onerous.  Little Kevin seems to enjoy / follow the lesson more than Jordie.

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Celia went missing in action…..

 

Week 7 – No Jordie today. No reason was given. I think we can guess. Celia arrives 20 minutes late. Harriet’s little brother makes his presence known by climbing all over Jeremy during the lesson.

Week 8 – Jordie is given a yellow card warning for repeated laziness. He had recently been to our apartment for a (free) make-up lesson on Tuesday. He’d enjoyed our hospitality and got to play with Rachel Rabbit. Clear instructions were given as to which pages he should do. Total homework time – 10 minutes. Result – no homework done. The thought of this backbreaking homework load was obviously more than he could bear.

A flushed and book-less Celia is 30 minutes late. She gets my name wrong too (“Hello Cherry”). Celia also has a blub (cry) when it dawns on her realising that she’ll end up last place in a game we’re playing (revision Celia?).

Week 9 – It’s presentation day – the students are to display and introduce their freshly made advertisements (in poster form). They’ve had four weeks to prepare. Jeremy surprises me with a wonderful advertisement for cake. Jordie and Celia hide somewhere in the garden. Kevin is becoming a bloody nuisance and is threatened with court-marshal unless he behaves. Harriet’s presentation is compromised by her little brother’s clown antics. Mother is called to come home from work and take him away.

 

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Jordie ran away to join the circus.

 

Week 10 – Celia doesn’t want to have the lesson in Harriet’s apartment so we shift back to her place.  Jeremy scores exceptionally well in the much harder second test. He takes pride in outscoring Harriet. We’ve finally turned the corner with him. This is what teachers live for – the blossoming of a student’s true ability. I return home elated.

Week 11 – Celia hiding in her bedroom. Apparently, they’ve been away all weekend at a n exclusive resort and mummy forgot to inform her of tonight’s English lesson. Where is Jordie? Jeremy starts the lesson well enough but becomes a gibbering mess by the end of it all. What happened?

Week 12 – The kids have been given a lecture by Coach KJ tonight. Harriet escapes censure as she has done little wrong and most things very well. Jeremy nods in agreement and promises to perform better. Jordie does his homework. Celia is a no-show, hiding in her bedroom the entire lesson. Am I some sort of monster? I didn’t raise my voice or hiss. No, I’m assured – Celia is a dreadful student who causes her school teachers quite a few headaches.

Week 13 – A rather uneventful lesson – thank goodness, though Celia arrives an hour late. She had been playing downstairs. Am wondering how their parent’s restaurant investment is going.

Week 14 –  I had to slap myself in the face. Was this some sort of a dream?  All four kids were in attendance. All had done their homework including “Clean-book Celia”. Praise was lavished upon them (though in reality, they’d done the bare minimum and only half what some classes willingly do). Stickers for everyone!

Week 15 – There’s a test today. Jeremy and Harriet perform well. Jordie barely scraps though and Celia scores a whopping 35%. She is disappointed, hoping to score 100% from absolutely no revision. Still no sign of those restaurant vouchers.

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Gone on – have a blub

Week 16 – “boo hoo hoo”. The sound of Celia crying in her bedroom. Stay there little girl, for everyone’s sake! Jeremy has a remarkably clean looking book which suggests he hasn’t done a spot of homework this week. Harriet is perfect as always. She must be wondering why she is stuck with these buffoon students. Jordie was absent having gone somewhere to take photographs.

Week 17 – The semester’s final lesson. The circus is coming to an end!  I’ve prepared three of their favourite games plus some very cool gifts. It’s 4:40pm and I’ve rung the doorbell three times. Where are they?

“#@#$%$@#$%” – they’ve forgotten today’s lesson!

I wander down to the river, feeling like a jilted lover, and curse the horror that is this class!

Postscript

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This is a diary of one very atypical class, taken from notes made throughout the term. I cannot emphasize enough just how superb most of my other classes have been this semester.  You’re always going to get that one group that stands out for their complete lack of self-awareness or diligence. The 4:45pm class takes out the 2018 Classroom Circus Award. But wait – there’s more! I’ve just been told – they intend to continue with me next term!  Nuts.

Post-Postscript

I’ve been told that quite a few people have ended up with food poisoning from that restaurant!  One diner even found a metal bolt in her fried rice.